Monday, November 26, 2012

The oddest thing happened today

I thought I was done with Rob and that whole life but I guess not. A few hours ago Rob's mother called my phone asking who I was and if I had anything to do with Rob getting caught selling. I don't even know why my number is still in his phone.  I thought it was done with me for good. So that was really awkward. I hate that when you think you are out of the drug lifestyle, you really aren't. There is so much baggage that follows you!

Friday, November 23, 2012

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I had a delicious dinner at my parent's house last night. I felt like I was really a part of the family and that they were glad that I returned home. I'm still full and eating more as we speak. Sadly, I think this is the most food I have eaten in weeks. My aunt from WA even came down to visit. I'm glad she didn't say anything about me staying with her.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Downfall

Well I know I haven't posted anything in a while now, sorry for that! Rob ended up getting caught selling so I had to leave his house and now I'm back with my parents. I have to quit for good. I have to be good, stay sober, go to the programs again and I know that by doing all of that, I'll have a better life. One of the clubs I worked at in Seattle called me to ask if I wanted to dance again. The manager didn't know I left Seattle and that I'm in California now again so I told him no. Other than that I think I'm doing good. Well, no how can I be doing good when I'm still wrapped up in this mess? I'm actually a week sober, 7 days, so that's a plus.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Here I go again...

I met back up with Rob and since he's still selling we ended up joining into what we think is a genius plan-we are selling together. I still have that job that I just got at the club so I know that's going to be the perfect place to start. Rob said I'll get half of whatever I sell and get to stay at his place. There's no way I'll be able to do this and live at my parent's, no way, and we got to keep this secret so there's only one way to do this successfully-I have to live with him. I am partial to this but I know that it'll work so I'm really not that bothered by it.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Dream Job!

Wow, everything has completely turned around for me!! I ended up flying back to LA using the plane ticket my mom bought for me. I just got in this morning. Yesterday, since I knew I would be coming back to LA, I applied for a job as a club promoted in Hollywood and I got the job! It's a regular dance club, not a strip club. I'm totally finished with those places. So I start tonight!  I'm glad I came back to LA because I was feeling really suicidal, unhappy, depressed and so sick of this drug life. That's why I wanted to come back to live with my parents for a little while, attend some meetings, get around positive people and get a job. Well, I did it, thank God!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Happy Monday

I had quite an uneventful weekend, sad to say. I actually haven't gotten high in 2 days, which I'm feeling a little weird about. I'm glad but at the same time I miss it. But hey at least a saved some money. I haven't really been talking to any guys or anyone. I am still in Seattle even though I contemplated going back home to LA. My mom was supposed to mail me a ticket but that never happened. Honestly, I haven't even heard from her since mid last week. I'm sure things are fine but I don't know what's going on. I feel fine, I'm a little tired right now but I'll get along just fine, I'm sure.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

I can't keep drowning myself

These feelings are becoming so overwhelming I can't continue anymore. I have to get out of this-not just the drugs but the whole shit lifestyle surrounding it. I have to get away from this town, these good for nothing people, these so called "friends". I'm making the same mistakes here that I made in LA but I have to, I want to, make a serious final change. I am so sick and tired of numbing myself, my emotions, etc. What brought on this change you might ask? I am simply too unhappy to bother with all of this. I'm done, finished. Forever. I am thinking about contacting my mom and getting her to buy me a plane ticket back to LA.