Monday, December 31, 2012
New Years Eve
Wow, a whole year has almost gone by. Tomorrow will be 2013. I have been thinking a lot about the song "New Year's Day" by U2. Good song! I really don't have plans for the new year. I'm still in Palm Springs, still renting a room at the same motel.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
coke, smoke, and a bloke!
I walked around a few blocks near the Palm Springs motel with the guys I'm staying with. We went into the only place open on Christmas, a liquor store. We got to talking to the guy running the place and he gave us his number and told us he sells weed. I guess we look like junkie addicts because the liquor store guy, Damian, invited us to his condo near the airport. I'm always up for an adventure and meeting new people, so I agreed to go hang out with him. Lucky for us, this guy doesn't just occasionally sell weed; he has tons of coke and shit! We barely had any cash on us but we managed to put together about $120.00. I really did not think we would luck out this fast, especially since we just got into this area. Maybe it was a good choice to live here afterall. With this new connection, I don't worry about relying on the dealers in LA.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Rename blog?
I was thinking about renaming my blog here to better fit the time period in my life. I don't want to rename the Scarlett Anonymous part, well--actually yea if I renamed it,would people be able to find it?
Goodbye L.A., hello Palm Springs
I left the LA area with two guys, Tim and Jake. We used Jake's camper to drive to Palm Springs. We are staying at the Sunset motel for now. I had to get out of the area and fully away from my family. Do I feel guilty for leaving my parents on Xmas? No. I just don't, sorry. I just can't care anymore.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Episode 6--Sober House 2/ Mike Starr
Episode 6: Jenn becomes unglued when Mike gets in her face and verbally abuses her.
Welcome To My Nightmare-original repost from June 27, 2012
*[Wednesday, June 27, 2012]*
--Welcome to my nightmare. --
I've been an alcoholic for about 14 years, pills for about 12 years and I have been, regretfully, a heroin addict for the past 8 months, a year coming this late August/September.
What a hellish journey it has been. Actually, within about 3 months of using things were already steadily falling apart.
I started using for typical reasons. Heroin truly has this glamorization attached to it. I became mentally obsessed and addicted to H years before I ever touched it. I didn't even really know much about it, all I knew was that I wanted it.
So follow me, if you dare, as I let you into my life, my obsession, and my hell. Buckle up! It sure as hell is a bumpy ride!
What made you want to read my blog in the first place? Are you a fellow addict? Then you must understand how I feel. If you are a parent of an addict, I am giving you a possible glimpse of what your child is up to and what they may be dealing with.*
~~~~~~*~~~~~~*~~~~~~
I always like going back in time, so to speak, and posting my old blog entries from when I started this blog and when I started using heroin. A lot has changed and nothing has changed at the same time. Same addict, same issues, same curiosity, same anger, same life. But at the same time somehow I am not sure if I am in a better place there where I was, where I came from, or is this is it, this is worse? It's sad when you can't tell the difference, everything is equally grim and equally hopeless. So why would I quit? It wasn't great to begin with.
Erotic Jerry Cantrell story
Maybe this is totally inappropriate, I don't know, but I found this and couldn't help but get into it---
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FUN WITH JERRY- written my someone else,Found it on the Literotica website--
"I will be right back Sati." Liz said to the large golden retriever as she hooked the leash around a pole outside the convenient store. The dog sat and looked up at Liz with big brown eyes of understanding. Liz smiled and scratched the furry head before heading into the store. Fifteen minutes later Liz emerged with a couple of bags and Sati being baby talked to by a man with long, dark curly hair.
"Sati, are you flirting again?" Liz smiled as the man stood to greet her. She recognized him immediately as Mike Inez from Alice in Chains, her gaze taking in the large bus parked further away.
"She's a pretty girl." Mike grinned, leaning to pet Sati again. Sati leaned against his leg, pushing him back a step.
"You do realize once she leans you are stuck with her until someone else comes along." Liz smiled, watching him melt under Sati's spell.
"I'm Mike." He grinned shaking her hand.
'I'm Liz and this is Sati, she is sort of a flirt." Liz replied. Mike's head fell back with a laugh as Sean Kinney walked up to them.
"Mike, did you find the only dog around again?" Sean leaned over to pet Sati, who immediately scooted over and leaned into his leg.
"I told you she's a flirt." Liz said
"I see that." Mike chuckled as Sean stood and introduced himself.
"What about the owner? Is she a flirt too?" Sean asked, his voice laced with humor.
"God I hope not since she is married to my best friend." Liz stated, smirking at their confused looks. "I'm the dog sitter, but I love her like she was my own, right Sati." The dog looked at Liz and moved, her tail wagging expectantly.
Sati pulled at the leash, ready to move on. Liz unhooked Sati from the pole and excused herself from Mike and Sean. She was going to ask for autographs but they seemed so nice she didn't want to break the vibe or annoy them.
As the guys went into the store, she and Sati found a picnic table in the shade and Liz un-wrapped a loaded foot long hot dog from the bag and a jar of spicy pickle slices. She was talking to Sati, asking the dog if she maybe should have got an autograph or at least a picture. The dog watched her closely, not because of what she was saying, but because she was clearing off part of the hot dog for Sati.
Mike and Sean stopped as they came out of the store, watching as Liz put a travel bowl down and filled it with bottled water for Sati, talking to her during the process. They both wondered about her sanity and grinned, deciding to join her.
"Would you like some more company?" Mike asked as he and Sean sat at the picnic table across from her and Sati. Liz smiled and nodded, moving her stuff out of the way.
Sean questioned her ability to eat the foot long even after she started pulling chunks off for a patiently waiting Sati. Jerry Cantrell and Will Duvall ambled out to the picnic table as Liz was opening the jar of spicy pickles.
"What's going on over here?" Will asked, casually grabbing the other end of Liz's bench, leaving the spot next to her for Jerry.
"Mike and the dog were flirting so Liz and I thought we better chaperone." Sean quipped making Liz laugh as she fought the jar of pickles. Jerry politely took the jar from her and gave it a quick twist, handing it back after hearing the seal pop. Mike introduced her as she added spicy pickle slices to her already heaping hot dog.
"I have to stick around long enough to see you attempt to eat that." Sean snickered as they all watched her neaten the pile. Before putting the lid on the pickles she held the jar out.
"Anyone want a spicy pickle?" Liz asked setting the jar on the table. She watched their reactions as they snickered at her question.
"I told you they never get past twelve." Liz leaned over and told Sati, who was still sitting beside her. That comment made them laugh as a few of them reached for the jar. Mike and Will decided the hot dog looked good and went to get their own, leaving Sean and Jerry to watch her attempt the first bite.
Liz answered a few questions and soon Mike and Will were back with foot longs for the rest of them. Jerry grabbed the pickle jar and heaped his dog with the spicy slices, making Liz grin in his direction.
"You hit his soft spot with the pickles; he will probably follow you home now." Sean teased when Jerry put the jar back on table.
"Maybe, you got a pool?" Jerry chuckled.
Liz looked at Jerry and thought that wouldn't be all bad for a night. His eyes looked a bit tired and aged, but otherwise he was still handsome and gave off a sexy aura. Feeling herself stare she shook her head and took another bite.
"I can't believe you ate all that, you must have a hollow leg." Sean said as they had all finished eating.
"It's the left one, later I will pop it off and empty it, bulimia of the leg." Liz said seriously, her lips twitching as she tried not to laugh.
"If nothing else you are creative. What do you do for a living besides watch over dogs?" Sean asked chuckling.
Liz told them she was a photographer, specialized in underwater but also did other forms. She was house/dog sitting for friends for a couple weeks, then off to Florida to photograph a shipwreck.
"No husband or boyfriend?" Mike asked.
"No." Liz said casually, looking up to find them watching her curiously.
"My husband was killed in a car accident six years ago." Liz stated, catching them by surprise. "I've tried a few boyfriends but honestly with my schedule it's hard to pin me down for too long."
"It's ok" Liz smiled when the guys started apologizing. "We had a great marriage and I feel lucky. It's not like I turned into a nun, I get out now and then and when I want to get laid I do it, no worries." Liz laughed at their surprised expressions.
"Come on, if anybody would understand I figured it would be a rock band. Don't tell me you guys have never screwed anyone just because you wanted to with no strings attached." She pointed out. They all shrugged knowing she had a point.
Baldy, the band's long time traveling companion, showed up at that point and the guys introduced Liz to him before he said they needed to get a move on. Liz finally got the courage to ask them for a picture so she could show it off to her friends. They laughingly agreed as she pulled a Nikon camera out of her shoulder bag. After making a few adjustments, she gave Baldy a quick lesson with the camera and posed with the band for a few shots.
The guys were having fun posing in silly positions. During one pose Jerry had his arms around her and his hand lightly rubbed her breast.
"Get a good feel?" Liz whispered to Jerry while he pulled his arms away. He grinned and nodded, dipping her back after Baldy said he should give her a "Hollywood kiss." Liz kicked her leg out with a giggle until Jerry pressed his lips to hers. Sparks shot through her as his tongue tasted her lips and she gave a barely audible moan.
It was over before she knew it and felt him lifting her back to her feet. Quickly composing herself she felt the guys all huddle around her, Jerry and Sean on each side, Mike and Will on the outside. She called Sati over and had her sit in front of them.
Liz thanked them for the photos and company, each of them giving her a hug and patting Sati on the head. Jerry hugged her saying he would be right back. While he jogged to the bus she found paper and pen and wrote her cell phone number down. What the hell, he was hot and she was suddenly horny. Jerry came back with a couple of passes, one said Media and the other said VIP/All Access/Pkg.
"Come to our next show and take pictures, I might know some interested people if they are good." Liz nodded and thanked him, handing him the slip of paper with her number.
"In case you are interested or just want to talk." Jerry looked at the paper, smiled and nodded, and then he was gone.
Two days later Liz was in her Miata humming along the freeway to the concert. It was a six hour drive and she had the neighbors take Sati so she didn't have to drive back after the show.
The music blared from her stereo, the top was down and wind whipped through her hair. She had a Canon camera, the passes, and a small overnight bag. Her 5'4" frame had on slim blue jeans and a stretchy, white v-neck shirt, and her feet were clad in white tennis shoes.
She smiled thinking she didn't look too bad for just turning 40. She was starting to get some laugh lines around her mouth, but her dark blonde hair with natural highlights and wide green eyes kept her looking younger. Her body was slim and toned from exercise and yoga.
The miles passed quickly as she daydreamed about Jerry's lips and how they felt against hers. She wondered what it would feel like to be naked next to him, their bodies rubbing and generating heat. She shifted slightly, realizing she was making herself wet thinking about it. She willed herself to think about her next job and which lenses to use and how to get the perfect lighting. This kept her mind busy until she pulled into the hotel.
Liz arrived at the concert an hour before show time and was amused at how her VIP pass put her in special parking leading to backstage. She still had to walk, but it wasn't the mass of cars she had seen out front. Slipping backstage she wandered around, eventually bumping into Baldy.
"Hey, it's the hot dog girl! You made it! I will show you where to go." Baldy grinned, leading her through hallways and down a stairway and out in front of the stage. He pointed to the area between the stage and rail and produced a package containing a pair of earplugs.
"You are going to need those being that close. Good luck and I am sure we will see you later." Baldy said, giving her arm a squeeze and releasing her to the security. She smiled at the security guy and introduced herself, showing him her passes and camera. He didn't smile back but allowed her to walk past him.
"Too many steroids for macho man." Liz thought as she scanned the stage and the area.
The concert started and Liz was glad she had the earplugs, the bass and drums were vibrating through her. Working around a couple other people shooting pictures and video, and the line security guys, she started on Mike's side. When he saw Liz in front of him he grinned and nodded recognition. She finger waved at him, making him laugh. He has such a contagious smile that Liz tried catching it from many angles.
Next was Will and she finger waved at him too, laughing when he did it back. Will was epic and his vocals were strong, impressing the crap out of Liz. She scooted to the edge of the stage and zoomed in on Sean. Busy adjusting her lens she didn't see Jerry walk up to her until his feet took over the view finder. Moving her camera up she took a picture of his crotch, smiling at what the bulge hinted at. She backed away a few steps and focused on him as he went into a solo. When the solo was done Jerry winked at her and moved back to his mic.
Liz moved back and forth, taking pictures of the band and audience from every angle she could think of. She adjusted settings to get different lighting results and moved in uncomfortable positions to get the job done. When the show ended she knew she had some good ones to share.
Finding her way backstage was easier than she thought, flashing her pass and asking where to find Baldy. Liz asked for him because she didn't want to sound like a groupie asking where the band was. She eventually found him and he led her to the dressing rooms. Liz imagined a small room with a lighted mirror and was surprised to find it had a sitting area and a couple separate rooms.
Liz took a seat, suddenly nervous and feeling out of place. Baldy came back and handed her bottled water, taking the seat next to her. He asked how she liked the show and they chatted about it and the audience, and then moved on to general news. By the time the band came out Liz was feeling relaxed.
"It's the hot dog girl Liz!" Sean announced as he dropped next to her. "How's the hollow leg? Did you get any good pictures of me?" Sean asked grabbing her camera. Liz powered up the camera and showed him how to scan through the photos, laughing at his crazy comments.
"These are pretty good Jerry." Baldy said as Jerry walked into the room. Baldy had moved behind Liz and Sean and was looking over their shoulders at the pictures. Jerry sauntered over and scooted Liz until she was almost on his lap. The guys laughed at the crotch shot she had taken of Jerry.
"What are you going to do with that one?" Jerry chuckled as Mike joined the group.
"Masturbate." Liz sighed turning red, not believing she said that out loud. Sean, Mike, and Baldy howled with laughter and Jerry raised his eyebrows at her.
"Interesting." Jerry chuckled, moving her a little further onto his lap. Liz could see the grin tugging at his lips and thought she better get control. She wiggled her ass against his crotch a few times before moving to the chair next to him. Jerry shook his head at her with a grin before getting up to mingle.
Liz hung around as people kept showing up. She mingled but after an hour she was feeling her age and decided to say 'Fuck it'. She didn't need to get laid that bad anyway.
"I'm heading out, please tell the guys thanks for me." Liz told Baldy when she found him.
"Are you sure?" he asked, reading more into her simple statement.
"It's my 40th birthday and a nice quiet drink is what I need." Liz confessed in his ear. Baldy nodded and said he would be right back. She waited near the door until Baldy reappeared with Jerry.
"Happy birthday hot dog girl." Baldy smiled, giving her a peck on the cheek and heading back into the crowd.
"You should have said it was your birthday, what do you want little girl?" Jerry chuckled, his eyes taking her in.
"Listen Jerry, you don't need to do any special favors because it's my birthday, you are obviously busy and I will be fine on my own." Liz smiled, pushing away from him. Jerry gently pushed her back against the wall and leaned in until their faces were inches apart.
"I didn't come over to offer a favor for your birthday, I came because I want to fuck you and I know you want to fuck me. So why don't we get out of here and do that?" Jerry whispered seductively, lightly kissing her lips. Liz nodded in agreement, grabbing his hand and pulling him out the door.
Jerry pulled his hair back in a ponytail with a baseball cap as they headed to her car.
"Cute car, it fits you well." He grinned as she sped out of the venue towards the hotel.
At the hotel, Liz led Jerry to the elevator and when the doors closed he pushed her back against the wall and started kissing her. His hands were warm against her skin, sliding their way up her shirt. When the door dinged open they pulled apart and hurried to her room, quickly opening the door.
Jerry leaned her against the closing door, kissing her as he pulled her shirt up. Liz reached up and pulled the ball cap off and tossed it on to a nearby chair. Her fingers quickly unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off his arms, dropping it in the chair with his hat.
Jerry yanked her shirt over her head and unhooked her bra, kissing her as he rubbed his hands over her bare skin. His arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted her up to him, her legs wrapping around his waist while he walked to the bed.
Once Liz was standing again she unzipped his jeans and pulled them down, marveling at the large penis they were concealing. Jerry stepped out of his jeans and yanked hers down, along with her panties. Then they studied each other, taking in the other's naked form.
Jerry sat her down on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of her, kissing her deeply. Then he moved down her chest to her nipples, taking each into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue. Liz arched her back as she moaned in pleasure, her fingers running through his hair.
Moving down her stomach Jerry pushed her back onto the bed and draped her legs over his shoulders. His fingers spread her lips and his tongue tasted the wetness already there. His tongue went back and forth from stabbing her hole to sliding up and flicking her clit, sometimes stopping to suck it. Liz was writhing on the bed, getting a good dose of how talented this man really was. He then slid a long finger into her wetness and curled it slightly.
Liz lost control as she called his name, soaking his face as he continued to lick her. She managed to scramble up the bed away from him to lay there and catch her breath. Jerry crawled up next to her, his eyes dark with lust but a smile on his face.
"Was that my birthday present?" Liz gasped.
"Part of it." Jerry whispered, kissing her tenderly.
Damn he is a good kisser, Liz thought as she lost herself in his kisses. Getting her senses back, Liz rolled him over on his back and whispered in his ear "my turn." Jerry smiled as she kissed his neck and moved across his chest, lightly flicking each nipple with her tongue. Moving down she kissed a path across his stomach to the prize.
Liz held his penis, studying the contours, and then tracing them with her tongue. She licked the length of his shaft before easing it into her mouth. She smiled as Jerry groaned when she licked the tip with her tongue while it was in her mouth. She slowly moved it in and out while rubbing the shaft with her hand and licking the tip with her tongue. She slipped her other hand down and massaged his balls, listening to him groan as she did it all in rhythm.
"Fuck!" Jerry growled as he pulled her away and rolled on top of her. He kissed her hard and shoved into her wetness, slowing when he felt how tight she was. He created a gentle rhythm until she stretched to accommodate his size.
Liz wrapped her legs around him and started matching his thrusts, crying out when her orgasm hit. Jerry felt her contract around him and lost control. His thrusts became harder as he unloaded his orgasm, grunting into her neck.
Jerry lifted up and Liz looked into his eyes with a smile. "Wow" was all she could say. He grinned and kissed Liz before rolling off of her.
"Yeah, me too."
Liz and Jerry were stretched out on the bed naked, talking about current events, music, and whatever happened to be in their heads. Liz couldn't keep herself from looking at his face or his body.
"Like what you see?" Jerry teased, catching her studying him.
"Yes, do you?" Liz teased back, knowing he was doing the same to her.
"You are damn fine." He drawled, pulling her closer.
Liz rolled on top and straddled him, her hands running across his chest and shoulders. She kissed him gently, taking her time to lightly nip his lips and move on to his neck. Jerry's hands felt their way across her back to her bottom, giving it a squeeze before moving on.
Liz felt Jerry's erection hardening as they unhurriedly kissed and studied each other's bodies with their hands. Jerry lifted her slightly and slid his hand across her bottom and between her legs. Liz gasped when he started running a finger through her lips, spreading the moistness to her clit.
Jerry's fingers kept up their motion causing her to moan as she kissed his neck, her body rocking against his hand. Liz came quickly, biting his neck as the sensations pulsed through her.
She lifted up and slid him into her, moaning as he filled her. Liz grasped his hands for support as she moved her hips against him, creating a gently increasing rhythm. Jerry enjoyed watching her have control and the pleasure she was giving him in her movements. When Liz went into another orgasm she pushed him in deeper and ground her clit against his groin, her head falling back lost in pleasure.
Jerry groaned when she came, feeling her wetness build as she continually moved her hips. When Liz slowed, he lifted her off and climbed to his knees. Liz moved to the headboard and grasped it as Jerry entered her again, feeling his full size.
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FUN WITH JERRY- written my someone else,Found it on the Literotica website--
"I will be right back Sati." Liz said to the large golden retriever as she hooked the leash around a pole outside the convenient store. The dog sat and looked up at Liz with big brown eyes of understanding. Liz smiled and scratched the furry head before heading into the store. Fifteen minutes later Liz emerged with a couple of bags and Sati being baby talked to by a man with long, dark curly hair.
"Sati, are you flirting again?" Liz smiled as the man stood to greet her. She recognized him immediately as Mike Inez from Alice in Chains, her gaze taking in the large bus parked further away.
"She's a pretty girl." Mike grinned, leaning to pet Sati again. Sati leaned against his leg, pushing him back a step.
"You do realize once she leans you are stuck with her until someone else comes along." Liz smiled, watching him melt under Sati's spell.
"I'm Mike." He grinned shaking her hand.
'I'm Liz and this is Sati, she is sort of a flirt." Liz replied. Mike's head fell back with a laugh as Sean Kinney walked up to them.
"Mike, did you find the only dog around again?" Sean leaned over to pet Sati, who immediately scooted over and leaned into his leg.
"I told you she's a flirt." Liz said
"I see that." Mike chuckled as Sean stood and introduced himself.
"What about the owner? Is she a flirt too?" Sean asked, his voice laced with humor.
"God I hope not since she is married to my best friend." Liz stated, smirking at their confused looks. "I'm the dog sitter, but I love her like she was my own, right Sati." The dog looked at Liz and moved, her tail wagging expectantly.
Sati pulled at the leash, ready to move on. Liz unhooked Sati from the pole and excused herself from Mike and Sean. She was going to ask for autographs but they seemed so nice she didn't want to break the vibe or annoy them.
As the guys went into the store, she and Sati found a picnic table in the shade and Liz un-wrapped a loaded foot long hot dog from the bag and a jar of spicy pickle slices. She was talking to Sati, asking the dog if she maybe should have got an autograph or at least a picture. The dog watched her closely, not because of what she was saying, but because she was clearing off part of the hot dog for Sati.
Mike and Sean stopped as they came out of the store, watching as Liz put a travel bowl down and filled it with bottled water for Sati, talking to her during the process. They both wondered about her sanity and grinned, deciding to join her.
"Would you like some more company?" Mike asked as he and Sean sat at the picnic table across from her and Sati. Liz smiled and nodded, moving her stuff out of the way.
Sean questioned her ability to eat the foot long even after she started pulling chunks off for a patiently waiting Sati. Jerry Cantrell and Will Duvall ambled out to the picnic table as Liz was opening the jar of spicy pickles.
"What's going on over here?" Will asked, casually grabbing the other end of Liz's bench, leaving the spot next to her for Jerry.
"Mike and the dog were flirting so Liz and I thought we better chaperone." Sean quipped making Liz laugh as she fought the jar of pickles. Jerry politely took the jar from her and gave it a quick twist, handing it back after hearing the seal pop. Mike introduced her as she added spicy pickle slices to her already heaping hot dog.
"I have to stick around long enough to see you attempt to eat that." Sean snickered as they all watched her neaten the pile. Before putting the lid on the pickles she held the jar out.
"Anyone want a spicy pickle?" Liz asked setting the jar on the table. She watched their reactions as they snickered at her question.
"I told you they never get past twelve." Liz leaned over and told Sati, who was still sitting beside her. That comment made them laugh as a few of them reached for the jar. Mike and Will decided the hot dog looked good and went to get their own, leaving Sean and Jerry to watch her attempt the first bite.
Liz answered a few questions and soon Mike and Will were back with foot longs for the rest of them. Jerry grabbed the pickle jar and heaped his dog with the spicy slices, making Liz grin in his direction.
"You hit his soft spot with the pickles; he will probably follow you home now." Sean teased when Jerry put the jar back on table.
"Maybe, you got a pool?" Jerry chuckled.
Liz looked at Jerry and thought that wouldn't be all bad for a night. His eyes looked a bit tired and aged, but otherwise he was still handsome and gave off a sexy aura. Feeling herself stare she shook her head and took another bite.
"I can't believe you ate all that, you must have a hollow leg." Sean said as they had all finished eating.
"It's the left one, later I will pop it off and empty it, bulimia of the leg." Liz said seriously, her lips twitching as she tried not to laugh.
"If nothing else you are creative. What do you do for a living besides watch over dogs?" Sean asked chuckling.
Liz told them she was a photographer, specialized in underwater but also did other forms. She was house/dog sitting for friends for a couple weeks, then off to Florida to photograph a shipwreck.
"No husband or boyfriend?" Mike asked.
"No." Liz said casually, looking up to find them watching her curiously.
"My husband was killed in a car accident six years ago." Liz stated, catching them by surprise. "I've tried a few boyfriends but honestly with my schedule it's hard to pin me down for too long."
"It's ok" Liz smiled when the guys started apologizing. "We had a great marriage and I feel lucky. It's not like I turned into a nun, I get out now and then and when I want to get laid I do it, no worries." Liz laughed at their surprised expressions.
"Come on, if anybody would understand I figured it would be a rock band. Don't tell me you guys have never screwed anyone just because you wanted to with no strings attached." She pointed out. They all shrugged knowing she had a point.
Baldy, the band's long time traveling companion, showed up at that point and the guys introduced Liz to him before he said they needed to get a move on. Liz finally got the courage to ask them for a picture so she could show it off to her friends. They laughingly agreed as she pulled a Nikon camera out of her shoulder bag. After making a few adjustments, she gave Baldy a quick lesson with the camera and posed with the band for a few shots.
The guys were having fun posing in silly positions. During one pose Jerry had his arms around her and his hand lightly rubbed her breast.
"Get a good feel?" Liz whispered to Jerry while he pulled his arms away. He grinned and nodded, dipping her back after Baldy said he should give her a "Hollywood kiss." Liz kicked her leg out with a giggle until Jerry pressed his lips to hers. Sparks shot through her as his tongue tasted her lips and she gave a barely audible moan.
It was over before she knew it and felt him lifting her back to her feet. Quickly composing herself she felt the guys all huddle around her, Jerry and Sean on each side, Mike and Will on the outside. She called Sati over and had her sit in front of them.
Liz thanked them for the photos and company, each of them giving her a hug and patting Sati on the head. Jerry hugged her saying he would be right back. While he jogged to the bus she found paper and pen and wrote her cell phone number down. What the hell, he was hot and she was suddenly horny. Jerry came back with a couple of passes, one said Media and the other said VIP/All Access/Pkg.
"Come to our next show and take pictures, I might know some interested people if they are good." Liz nodded and thanked him, handing him the slip of paper with her number.
"In case you are interested or just want to talk." Jerry looked at the paper, smiled and nodded, and then he was gone.
Two days later Liz was in her Miata humming along the freeway to the concert. It was a six hour drive and she had the neighbors take Sati so she didn't have to drive back after the show.
The music blared from her stereo, the top was down and wind whipped through her hair. She had a Canon camera, the passes, and a small overnight bag. Her 5'4" frame had on slim blue jeans and a stretchy, white v-neck shirt, and her feet were clad in white tennis shoes.
She smiled thinking she didn't look too bad for just turning 40. She was starting to get some laugh lines around her mouth, but her dark blonde hair with natural highlights and wide green eyes kept her looking younger. Her body was slim and toned from exercise and yoga.
The miles passed quickly as she daydreamed about Jerry's lips and how they felt against hers. She wondered what it would feel like to be naked next to him, their bodies rubbing and generating heat. She shifted slightly, realizing she was making herself wet thinking about it. She willed herself to think about her next job and which lenses to use and how to get the perfect lighting. This kept her mind busy until she pulled into the hotel.
Liz arrived at the concert an hour before show time and was amused at how her VIP pass put her in special parking leading to backstage. She still had to walk, but it wasn't the mass of cars she had seen out front. Slipping backstage she wandered around, eventually bumping into Baldy.
"Hey, it's the hot dog girl! You made it! I will show you where to go." Baldy grinned, leading her through hallways and down a stairway and out in front of the stage. He pointed to the area between the stage and rail and produced a package containing a pair of earplugs.
"You are going to need those being that close. Good luck and I am sure we will see you later." Baldy said, giving her arm a squeeze and releasing her to the security. She smiled at the security guy and introduced herself, showing him her passes and camera. He didn't smile back but allowed her to walk past him.
"Too many steroids for macho man." Liz thought as she scanned the stage and the area.
The concert started and Liz was glad she had the earplugs, the bass and drums were vibrating through her. Working around a couple other people shooting pictures and video, and the line security guys, she started on Mike's side. When he saw Liz in front of him he grinned and nodded recognition. She finger waved at him, making him laugh. He has such a contagious smile that Liz tried catching it from many angles.
Next was Will and she finger waved at him too, laughing when he did it back. Will was epic and his vocals were strong, impressing the crap out of Liz. She scooted to the edge of the stage and zoomed in on Sean. Busy adjusting her lens she didn't see Jerry walk up to her until his feet took over the view finder. Moving her camera up she took a picture of his crotch, smiling at what the bulge hinted at. She backed away a few steps and focused on him as he went into a solo. When the solo was done Jerry winked at her and moved back to his mic.
Liz moved back and forth, taking pictures of the band and audience from every angle she could think of. She adjusted settings to get different lighting results and moved in uncomfortable positions to get the job done. When the show ended she knew she had some good ones to share.
Finding her way backstage was easier than she thought, flashing her pass and asking where to find Baldy. Liz asked for him because she didn't want to sound like a groupie asking where the band was. She eventually found him and he led her to the dressing rooms. Liz imagined a small room with a lighted mirror and was surprised to find it had a sitting area and a couple separate rooms.
Liz took a seat, suddenly nervous and feeling out of place. Baldy came back and handed her bottled water, taking the seat next to her. He asked how she liked the show and they chatted about it and the audience, and then moved on to general news. By the time the band came out Liz was feeling relaxed.
"It's the hot dog girl Liz!" Sean announced as he dropped next to her. "How's the hollow leg? Did you get any good pictures of me?" Sean asked grabbing her camera. Liz powered up the camera and showed him how to scan through the photos, laughing at his crazy comments.
"These are pretty good Jerry." Baldy said as Jerry walked into the room. Baldy had moved behind Liz and Sean and was looking over their shoulders at the pictures. Jerry sauntered over and scooted Liz until she was almost on his lap. The guys laughed at the crotch shot she had taken of Jerry.
"What are you going to do with that one?" Jerry chuckled as Mike joined the group.
"Masturbate." Liz sighed turning red, not believing she said that out loud. Sean, Mike, and Baldy howled with laughter and Jerry raised his eyebrows at her.
"Interesting." Jerry chuckled, moving her a little further onto his lap. Liz could see the grin tugging at his lips and thought she better get control. She wiggled her ass against his crotch a few times before moving to the chair next to him. Jerry shook his head at her with a grin before getting up to mingle.
Liz hung around as people kept showing up. She mingled but after an hour she was feeling her age and decided to say 'Fuck it'. She didn't need to get laid that bad anyway.
"I'm heading out, please tell the guys thanks for me." Liz told Baldy when she found him.
"Are you sure?" he asked, reading more into her simple statement.
"It's my 40th birthday and a nice quiet drink is what I need." Liz confessed in his ear. Baldy nodded and said he would be right back. She waited near the door until Baldy reappeared with Jerry.
"Happy birthday hot dog girl." Baldy smiled, giving her a peck on the cheek and heading back into the crowd.
"You should have said it was your birthday, what do you want little girl?" Jerry chuckled, his eyes taking her in.
"Listen Jerry, you don't need to do any special favors because it's my birthday, you are obviously busy and I will be fine on my own." Liz smiled, pushing away from him. Jerry gently pushed her back against the wall and leaned in until their faces were inches apart.
"I didn't come over to offer a favor for your birthday, I came because I want to fuck you and I know you want to fuck me. So why don't we get out of here and do that?" Jerry whispered seductively, lightly kissing her lips. Liz nodded in agreement, grabbing his hand and pulling him out the door.
Jerry pulled his hair back in a ponytail with a baseball cap as they headed to her car.
"Cute car, it fits you well." He grinned as she sped out of the venue towards the hotel.
At the hotel, Liz led Jerry to the elevator and when the doors closed he pushed her back against the wall and started kissing her. His hands were warm against her skin, sliding their way up her shirt. When the door dinged open they pulled apart and hurried to her room, quickly opening the door.
Jerry leaned her against the closing door, kissing her as he pulled her shirt up. Liz reached up and pulled the ball cap off and tossed it on to a nearby chair. Her fingers quickly unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off his arms, dropping it in the chair with his hat.
Jerry yanked her shirt over her head and unhooked her bra, kissing her as he rubbed his hands over her bare skin. His arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted her up to him, her legs wrapping around his waist while he walked to the bed.
Once Liz was standing again she unzipped his jeans and pulled them down, marveling at the large penis they were concealing. Jerry stepped out of his jeans and yanked hers down, along with her panties. Then they studied each other, taking in the other's naked form.
Jerry sat her down on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of her, kissing her deeply. Then he moved down her chest to her nipples, taking each into his mouth and flicking it with his tongue. Liz arched her back as she moaned in pleasure, her fingers running through his hair.
Moving down her stomach Jerry pushed her back onto the bed and draped her legs over his shoulders. His fingers spread her lips and his tongue tasted the wetness already there. His tongue went back and forth from stabbing her hole to sliding up and flicking her clit, sometimes stopping to suck it. Liz was writhing on the bed, getting a good dose of how talented this man really was. He then slid a long finger into her wetness and curled it slightly.
Liz lost control as she called his name, soaking his face as he continued to lick her. She managed to scramble up the bed away from him to lay there and catch her breath. Jerry crawled up next to her, his eyes dark with lust but a smile on his face.
"Was that my birthday present?" Liz gasped.
"Part of it." Jerry whispered, kissing her tenderly.
Damn he is a good kisser, Liz thought as she lost herself in his kisses. Getting her senses back, Liz rolled him over on his back and whispered in his ear "my turn." Jerry smiled as she kissed his neck and moved across his chest, lightly flicking each nipple with her tongue. Moving down she kissed a path across his stomach to the prize.
Liz held his penis, studying the contours, and then tracing them with her tongue. She licked the length of his shaft before easing it into her mouth. She smiled as Jerry groaned when she licked the tip with her tongue while it was in her mouth. She slowly moved it in and out while rubbing the shaft with her hand and licking the tip with her tongue. She slipped her other hand down and massaged his balls, listening to him groan as she did it all in rhythm.
"Fuck!" Jerry growled as he pulled her away and rolled on top of her. He kissed her hard and shoved into her wetness, slowing when he felt how tight she was. He created a gentle rhythm until she stretched to accommodate his size.
Liz wrapped her legs around him and started matching his thrusts, crying out when her orgasm hit. Jerry felt her contract around him and lost control. His thrusts became harder as he unloaded his orgasm, grunting into her neck.
Jerry lifted up and Liz looked into his eyes with a smile. "Wow" was all she could say. He grinned and kissed Liz before rolling off of her.
"Yeah, me too."
Liz and Jerry were stretched out on the bed naked, talking about current events, music, and whatever happened to be in their heads. Liz couldn't keep herself from looking at his face or his body.
"Like what you see?" Jerry teased, catching her studying him.
"Yes, do you?" Liz teased back, knowing he was doing the same to her.
"You are damn fine." He drawled, pulling her closer.
Liz rolled on top and straddled him, her hands running across his chest and shoulders. She kissed him gently, taking her time to lightly nip his lips and move on to his neck. Jerry's hands felt their way across her back to her bottom, giving it a squeeze before moving on.
Liz felt Jerry's erection hardening as they unhurriedly kissed and studied each other's bodies with their hands. Jerry lifted her slightly and slid his hand across her bottom and between her legs. Liz gasped when he started running a finger through her lips, spreading the moistness to her clit.
Jerry's fingers kept up their motion causing her to moan as she kissed his neck, her body rocking against his hand. Liz came quickly, biting his neck as the sensations pulsed through her.
She lifted up and slid him into her, moaning as he filled her. Liz grasped his hands for support as she moved her hips against him, creating a gently increasing rhythm. Jerry enjoyed watching her have control and the pleasure she was giving him in her movements. When Liz went into another orgasm she pushed him in deeper and ground her clit against his groin, her head falling back lost in pleasure.
Jerry groaned when she came, feeling her wetness build as she continually moved her hips. When Liz slowed, he lifted her off and climbed to his knees. Liz moved to the headboard and grasped it as Jerry entered her again, feeling his full size.
Dreary day
Nothing much going on today. I don't think I'm working at the club tonight so I'm just sitting around the house, nothing much going on.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Post from July 13, 2012
For some reason I am really getting a kick out of reading my posts from the past...."This past week alone I already had several downfalls. 1st Downfall-Copping on my own on Sunday because I was sick as shit in withdrawal and that day I wasn't able to get a hold of Dre so I had to cop because I felt like shit and I was not going to return home empty handed and sick. 2nd Downfall- Monday finally seeing Dre, he gave me 4 Suboxone strips and a small amount of heroin and sent me home. Only I didn't go straight home. I went to Angie's and bought about 7 Xanax's. Within a 3 hour period I took all 7 and that's when I mixed it with the Suboxone strips and the heroin. Because I was high as hell, almost to the point of overdosing, I got the grand idea of going to the city and stripping. <--- 3rd Downfall."
[[It's My Decision to End My Addiction
July 13, 2012
Well I did it. I threw away then paper that had Dre and Angie's
addresses on it. I memorized how to get to Dre's house without needed
anything written down at this point but it was the symbol and action of
throwing the address paper away that truly helped me quit, try to quit,
this entire addiction once and for all. I felt so guilty for hurting my
mom when she found out about me going to the strip club-and I have been
feeling guilty about this entire addiction, lying, stealing, ect.- that I
have to get out. I don't know what will happen next. Is Dre a bad guy?
No. He has tried to get me to quit for weeks. He gave me methadone and
suboxones- not at once- to help me get off H and not get sick but I
practically ignore him. He wanted to take me to meetings and I ignore-so
he tries to help, he isn't bad but at the same time, he will still take
my money and still let me buy H. What do I mean let me? No one can stop
me but me. It's my decision and no one else needs to help me but I
should be appreciative that I am not around truly crappy people and I am
around those that want to help. Even Rob..I can't stand him but he has
been regretting that he ever gave me that first hit of H in the first
place months ago. I have been tired and frustrated in this addiction for
months now and I have been dragging my feet-not wanting to buy it, not
wanting to steal to get money, not wanting to constantly be poor because
I'm wasting my money on this shit. It's not a fun lifestyle at all to
be in a heroin addiction and hey-if I am finally trying to get out, then
good. This past week alone I already had several downfalls. 1st
Downfall-Copping on my own on Sunday because I was sick as shit in
withdrawal and that day I wasn't able to get a hold of Dre so I had to
cop because I felt like shit and I was not going to return home empty
handed and sick. 2nd Downfall- Monday finally seeing Dre, he gave me 4
Suboxone strips and a small amount of heroin and sent me home. Only I
didn't go straight home. I went to Angie's and bought about 7 Xanax's.
Within a 3 hour period I took all 7 and that's when I mixed it with the
Suboxone strips and the heroin. Because I was high as hell, almost to
the point of overdosing, I got the grand idea of going to the city and
stripping. <--- 3rd Downfall. So in only what, 3 days, I went to hell
in a hand basket, each situation worst than the one before it. I'm not
the only one going through this. I have been hurting my parents for
years in this addiction. God only knows what is next, and I know Him or
angels or someone or something has kept me alive this long and kept me
from getting arrested and I know that I have to quit forever before
something awful happens. Thankfully I haven't had any withdrawal
symptoms yet but just in case I do get that I have 1 more Suboxone strip
left. I have to change my behavior, want better in my life and.....just
change my mentality and stop being so self hating and negative and
BS-that mentality is what drives my addiction! I CHOOSE to do stupid
stuff. Copping on my own was my own DECISION. Yes I was at the mercy of
withdrawals and a slave to heroin but that was still a choice. Stripping
was my DECISION-another awful and dangerous choice, but still a choice
nonetheless. So what's next? My decision to quit......]]
{From July 11,2012] Short Story
REMEMBER THIS?
[[actually did write a little short story-silly-and sexy/erotic so here you go. I fantasize about being married to Sean Kinney-he is super attractive and actually a smart guy. I love what he had to say in an interview on Youtube about his own addiction struggles. For once I saw the sensitive, serious side of him. I could relate to a lot of what he said.
[[actually did write a little short story-silly-and sexy/erotic so here you go. I fantasize about being married to Sean Kinney-he is super attractive and actually a smart guy. I love what he had to say in an interview on Youtube about his own addiction struggles. For once I saw the sensitive, serious side of him. I could relate to a lot of what he said.
-------
--------remember, THIS IS MY FICTIONAL STORY---------
Plot- Sean and I have been married for 2 years, we have a 1 year old
daughter named Sarah. Whenever Sean is playing a nearby gig in Seattle, I
sometimes go and check the band out and sometimes I take our daughter
with us. So, one particular night during a show that I go to alone, I
end up silently suffering the toughest horror and feeling the worst
shame over. One of AIC's [Alice in Chains'] male fans, a jealous man who
knew that I married Sean, ends up attacking and raping me and so I find
a security guard and reporting the attack. As the guard chases and
finds the man who attacked me, the show is stopped mid-song, early in
their set, maybe an hour into their set, and the band alters what
happened to me immediately and as Jerry apologized to the crowd about
stopping the show, he didn't say anything specific out of privacy for
me, Sean bolts up from behind his drum kit, almost knocking the kit
over, and runs to me backstage. He hugs me and caresses my back. He gave
me a strong but quick kiss on my lips and forehead. "Scarlett, sweet
heart, I'm so sorry," Sean says as he tries to catch his breath.
"Do the fans in the crowd know now?" I asked, looking at Jerry.
"No, it's not their business. We apologized and walked back here," Jerry explained.
"I know you wouldn't say anything, thank you," I replied and turned back
to Sean. His eyes were filling up with tears. "I feel so embarrassed,"
tears began to run down my bruised cheeks as well. I grabbed Sean's arm
and buried my face in his chest. Sean rested his head on mine, closed
his eyes and motioned the other guys to leave us alone. They took his
direction and left to another area. After a few minutes, Sean sat me
down, gave me a bottle of water and disappeared with the guard. Before
long, rumors began to circulate like wildfire backstage about Sean
beating the shit out of the guy that attacked me while the guard held
the guy's arms back and allowed the fight. Sean repeatedly punched and
broke this guy's ribs, nose, jaw. Horrified, I questioned Sean when he
returned. "You're gonna get arrested!" I yelled at him.
"Scarlett, he raped you! Let them arrest me, I don't fucking care! I
love you so I hurt him like he hurt you. If someone hurts someone I
love, I'm going after them," Sean replied. He looked deeply and
passionately into my eyes. I collapsed into his arms and he held me
tight. My eyes rolled back and my body went limp. He tried to sit me up
but I'd fall on him each time. "Scarlett!" Sean yelled as he laid me
down and lightly slapped my face to try and wake me up. I slightly
opened my eyes and held my stomach and became to cry.
"Scarlett!" Sean yelled again as he grabbed his cell phone and called an
ambulance. Several others gathered around us as Sean tried CPR on me.
He wrapped his leather jacket around me as he noticed I was shivering. I
was getting chills, nausea and stomach pain. He noticed blood running
down my inner thighs. "Oh God, Scarlett, you're bleeding!" Sean said
just as paramedics came running to us. Sean pushed everyone away for
privacy.
"Sean, baby, I'm in so much pain! I need to throw up," I whispered. I
could hardly talk or breath. Just as I warned, I began throwing up blood
and bits of food. Sean made sure I sat up so I wouldn't choke and held
back my hair.
"Are you pregnant, ma'am?" The paramedic asked as he opened his tool box.
"No that I no of, no. No, we aren't trying," I replied. I stayed sitting up.
The only people in the room now were me, Sean, the paramedics, Jerry,
and Mike. Within 5 minutes I got in the ambulance with Sean and we rode
to the hospital.
They put me in an examination room on the delivery/OBGYN floor of the
hospital. They gave me a pregnancy test and hooked me up to an iv for
fluids and pain medicine. Sean sat beside me. Everyone else went home
from the concert venue.
The doctor came back into the room about 15 minutes later, holding my
chart. He had a slight smile on his face. "Congratulations are in order
from this ordeal, ma'am," Dr. Holden said as he shut the door behind
him.
"Why?" I asked as I sat up. Sean stood up to shake the doctor's hand after I had.
"Well, you are pregnant. 4 months to be exact. The bleeding and pain was
from slight injury to the baby. We have to schedule a sonogram right
away," Dr. Holden explained. For some reason he was acting very calm. He
assured us that no major damage was done inside from the attack.
"Oh Scarlett, baby......Um, oh Lord....how soon? We have to save the
baby!" Sean said as he began crying again, rubbing my arm and kissing
me. I couldn't speak. I was shocked. How could I be pregnant?
"Doctor, we weren't trying. I haven't even been getting any symptoms," I said.
"Well, you're lucky! But now that this happened, I'm very sorry, we have to do a sonogram to make sure everything's okay."
"Do you think the baby needs to come out?" I asked.
"Honestly, I'm a little afraid because of what happened. Let's do one
now, shall we?" The doctor turned on the machine and began the
procedure.
-----END...silly huh?]]
In the Moment
Long Overdue Posting!
Hello everyone~ I am super sorry! I haven't posted in a long time, I know! I just wanted to start off by saying Happy Thanksgiving! How was everyone's holiday? Another thing I want to point out, which has been making me very say recently is that it's almost Christmas time coming up and that's what has been making me feel lonely. I think that's why I decided to jump on my blog here and post something. I'm sure you all are wondering what the heck happened to me!
What has been going on with me? Well 2 weeks ago I left my parent's house and moved in with a stripper friend I know named Dina and her drug dealing boyfriend. I had to get out of there. I'm still living in the Hollywood area. With the days getting colder and darker I did not want to move back to Seattle, that's for sure!
I started working at a club that Dina has been dancing at for 2 years. Of course with her boyfriend being a dealer, I got back into full blown heroin use. I can't help it, he cuts me a pretty damn good deal! I have only been working a few nights a week dancing because that's pretty much all I can handle at this point. I can't go back to the full time crazy nights like I used to.
I haven't talked to Rob in weeks. I'm doing fine without him anyway.
What has been going on with me? Well 2 weeks ago I left my parent's house and moved in with a stripper friend I know named Dina and her drug dealing boyfriend. I had to get out of there. I'm still living in the Hollywood area. With the days getting colder and darker I did not want to move back to Seattle, that's for sure!
I started working at a club that Dina has been dancing at for 2 years. Of course with her boyfriend being a dealer, I got back into full blown heroin use. I can't help it, he cuts me a pretty damn good deal! I have only been working a few nights a week dancing because that's pretty much all I can handle at this point. I can't go back to the full time crazy nights like I used to.
I haven't talked to Rob in weeks. I'm doing fine without him anyway.
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