My mom came back to visit me in rehab unexpectedly. She brought little oranges for me and the group to share. I was outside smoking with a few other patients and of course my mom had a fit. She's always trying to control me. The one thing, well one of many things, that really annoy me about my mom is she really is trying to control how I look, dress, weigh, etc. She hates that I have tattoos and she wants me to look like this porcelain angel doll. That's one of the things I discussed with Nikki, my counselor here in rehab. It seems to me like my parents just sent me here to rehab to "fix me". I don't think they know the work involved with getting and staying sober. While my mom visited today, she told me how bad my dad feels for me being here. I believe that. I bet they partially regret putting me here in the first place. They like me at home with them all the time, that's all. I assured her I was doing perfectly fine here. She told me that she bought plane tickets for us for Puerto Rico. Honestly, that shows me how ignorant they are to this issue. I think they honestly believe I'll be cured when I get out of here. Puerto Rico is the last place I should go when I get out of rehab. I wish they would take this seriously.
The one thing I learned is that life will still happen, whether I get sober or not. When I truly quit, crappy days will still happen to me and it's all about how I choose to react and deal with whatever situation is in front of me. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the New Year's rehab party tonight.
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January 1, 2011
I talked to Nikki yesterday and she agreed to meet my mom for a meeting. I want to go home badly today. I was told to make a pro/con list of staying at the half way house next door. I would rather be home and I'd still be going to meetings, promise! I'd go to meetings, meet up with people, look for work. I know that's a lot but I really want all of this to work out. I really want to go home today. I have a lot of nausea and anxiety.
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Prayer For Today:
I pray that God will guide me one day at a time in the New Year. I pray that each day God will supply the wisdom and the strength that I need.
Just For Today:
I will be vigilante doing everything necessary to guard my recovery.
I'm doing good here but I'm just annoyed by what's going on at home. But I'll still make my list about the halfway house.
PROS-
INDEPENDENCE, FREEDOM, WON'T DEAL WITH PARENTS, MEETING NEW PEOPLE.
CONS-NEW ATMOSPHERE, HAVE TO PAY TO STAY THERE, PARENTS LETTING ME COME HOME, NEW PEOPLE, CAN STILL SEE THERAPIST AND GO TO MEETINGS AT HOME.
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