How does anyone even change anyway? Years of doing things and living life one way, even though you knew it was the wrong was, was comforting. I'm still rushing into wanting to be with some guy, ignoring the red flags and wanting to be with them anyway. I'll never change..... I was just talking to a friend of mine, Mike and he said that I don't need to be with anyone now and all I need to deal with is my own life and sobriey. He's right. I know exactly what it is about me that I need to change, but it's hard to actually make the change and do the work. Of course it's hard for anyone, most positve things are hard to do, but it's those hard things that are a must in order to survive and grow as a person.
For several hours tonight I walked up and down Colorado bvld. where I normally hang around. It was different this time for some reason. I passed all different people just had time to think for myself. before returning to where I live I went into a bar that I went to
with Zach lastnight. Zach, the one that hurt me, let me down gently. I wasn't surprised at all. I ignored the warnings and red flags other people had pointed out to me about him and once again I went too fast and expected more out of him that he ever wanted to give and today he said that he doesn't like me that way and you know. I always go after low people-and try to save or help them. Why do I want to be with guys that have visible issues? From the very first bf up until the last one, I repeated the same mistakes-picked out someone with issues, jumped into being with them too fast, got physical too soon, then it ended with me wanting more and more and them backing away. Good to see nothing's changed. At least I'm consistant...........
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