I really Miss My Past

Is it wrong to say that I miss using? is it wrong or weird ot say that I miss being home with my old job, shit people around me, but "happy" using heroin? It really still has a hold on me and sometimes I think that the feeling and the memory really is still the same, whether I am drinking or sober? Even alcohol, I can't drink it the same way.....even though I think I try to.....I am totally different now-from the music I listen to-okay well not really- but ..I feel differnent........I am but only in the sense of like- ok-maybe I am not differnet at all.......am I being fake just to-fit in? When I know that deep down, if given the "perfect situation"-I would go back to heroin again? Yes. I have no guilt in even admitting that. Heroin is such an amazing feeling-you people don't even know....it's just dreaming now. It's just some shit dream to keep me "happy", reminiscing of a time that was, well, crap-desperate.