I Remember...

I remember hating heroin toward the end. I remember how I felt about doing the drug just a few weeks-days before my mom caught me. I remember the day my mom found my needles and drug like it was yesterday. I remember going to rehab at PRC here in Pasadena like it was last week. It's so incredible how fast time flies. Here I am sober off heroin for more than a year, yet still homesick, and sometimes missing it.......
I remember the crap I had to go through just to get the drug. I remember the hour long drive I took to get to their place to get the drug....I remember the very end......how devastatingly sick it was. How depressing it became. How desperate.......DESPERATE.

I have lived in California for over year now. I can't ever say I am not happy or grateful. I guess I just get confused.......I guess that it just the addict in me-sometimes I would rather just be where I used to be, doing my drug, whatever because that is more comfortable still. That is still the power that stuff has on me. Maybe that is why I don't care to really return home...I just get annoyed sometimes-because I never thought I wouldn't end up returning home. I didn't know what to think then. Shit it really is somewhat obvious that I still have a alcohol issue-which means I still have a heroin issue-obviously........well the alcohol issue is only obvious to my boyfriend anyway.......