There is no light at the end of my tunnel

I have sadly chosen to "deal" with my depression and anxiety and frustration over my homeless situation by drinking and using drugs. A year ago when I was at my parents house my mom offered to help me out with rent or school but I just wanted H so that's why I left home. I should have taken her up on her offer. I feel all alone but I know I'm not. I have chosen to isolate, think that I'm the only one with a problem, I have chosen to live this way. I was stupid to think that I was different. My excuses/ reasons to use haven't changed, my mindset hasn't changed-so why the hell would my addiction change/end if I don't care to put in any work and take small steps to help myself? I don't want a pity party. A person won't be the answer to everything. I don't think I have a bottom. I've had injuries, situations happen, ODing, embarassment, lies, stealing, fuck I'm fucking homeless. But we know that situation and "knowing" doesn't do anything for the addict. My dad said this to me just before I left home... he told me that "I don't have to feel the need to live up to our family issues. I don't have to make addiction my fate." My dad's mother died from an OD of alcohol and barbiturates. My dad's sister had a big alcohol problem. My dad had a drinking issue but he was able to quit. My dad's mother obviously couldn't quit and my aunt, my dad's sister, only quit drinking after she had a blackout episode in public outside and her neighbor had to take her back home. I found out she quit drinking when I was only 7 so I never even knew she had an issue. I have been through so much already. Angie-the girl I get xanax from, I'd go with her and her friends to this nearby crack house and smoke weed. We have done this for months.