Things will never change

What's the point of actually trying to get sober, go to meetings and do all that shit to help myself change for the better if things around me never change? My parents are in the middle of a nervous breakdown, Dre's gone, things are different -awkward- with Rob...what the hell do I do? Where do I start? Why would I change anything? I'm out on the streets now because I want to be. No, scratch that-because I still envy, glamorize and see a positive light around living a "less than" lifestyle. Nothing has changed for me. The movies I posted yesterday, those movies are about people that lived rough lives, lives I want to follow, lives I am living now...but what's so damn great? Nothing. What exactly is there to envy? Nothing. So why does my mind still go there? Shouldn't my current existence teach me enough, that this isn't the way to go?