Where do I go from here?

I want to do things right for once. I was living at my parent's house again over the weekend but I'm back out again. While there I think that was the longest I stayed clean, well I was dope sick, and I couldn't take it anymore. I chose to leave so I could score and that mean that I couldn't come back. My mom isn't stupid, she knew what I was up to. I really am sick of this piece of shit existence. Does anyone even care? Yes my family cares but if I'm saying that I don't care and that I don't have a bottom then so be it. I'm simply too tired to keep fighting myself. I went right away to Dre's house and I left earlier this morning. I really hate this...over and over....I'll just do myself in either by intentional overdose or cutting myself or strangling myself-I don't even know. It's over, I know that. I'm accepting of that.