I want to go back in time, the way things were. I want to go back to LA. I miss my family, I miss Rob, I miss Zach...I miss Dre. I don't even know if he had a funeral. Where do I go from here? Heroin put me into this shitty situation and I don't know where to go, what to do-where to start. I'm sharing all of this because I'm starting to get the sudden hints that my aunt wants me out of her house. So here I am homeless [practically] in Seattle...whew my dream, no not really. I can't have it both ways; I say keep doing heroin and expect not to live a crazy life. That's not the way it works, whether I'm accepting or happy about it or not. Truth is, I still idolize, admire, glamorize this type of life and I'm not ever going to let go of it-so then I guess that means I won't ever leave it. So, then how dare I complain?
Zach did leave Seattle a few days ago. I'm not surprised. Actually, I don't know what to think. He was the one that wanted to come up here in the first place. I just lucked out by having my aunt to stay with. Whatever, forget it, he's gone. I have to just deal with that and accept it, especially if I want to stay here.
I met this other girl yesterday named Gia. She is 23 and has been living in the Seattle/Tacoma area on the streets and in and out of halfway houses for a year now. She told me that she started using heroin and crack 3 years ago, got kicked out of her parent's house-typical story. But now she doesn't have a home or a family to go back to even if she wanted to because her father moved to New York and her mother died a year ago. Poor girl, right? She has a worst situation than I do. I guess everyone has something. So I befriended her. She works at a dollar store during the day and for an escort service at night. I could never do that. I mean, hey I worked as a stripper so what's the difference? So, nonetheless I really like her. She's quickly becoming a good friend. Her name, and her looks actually, remind me of Gia the supermodel from the1980's but her looks a lot more like Demri, Layne's girlfriend actually. Odd but really cool! I loved, absolutely loved Demri- her style, attitude, personality, looks, etc. So, yay, Demri's my "friend" now! ;)
As far as Rob is concerned, I could barely get a hold of him when I was in LA so I really have a hard time getting a hold of him with me being here and him still being down there. I talked to him for a little bit but he was working-he just got rehired as a door man at the strip club he used to work at. Good for him. What about me? God, get me out of my destructive and negative mentality, please.
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