Well this month, August, marks the 1 year anniversary of my heroin journey. You know, when I quit these past couple of weeks I truly thought it was over. I ended up getting 2 the other week and now I'm really poor. Thankfully I can pay my upcoming bill. I've always made sure I could afford what really mattered. Even if I had to steal money or sell my things to get the money to pay for the bill. But I know I'm just skimming by. I tell myself I'm not craving it and am not in the obsessed mentality I was in while it was really bad but I don't know if that's true. I"m just ignoring my urges to buy more-because I can't afford it. If money weren't an issue-I'd buy tons of H, but realistically money is an issue and every time I get back into this addiction, I end up poor again. There's no way around it.
Well last week Angie had me meet an NY dealer so I could give him names of people around here that use H. I only know Jeff, Dre and Rob-so it's not worth it for the NY guy to come here for 3,4 people. There I go quickly getting worst, in more dangerous situations-nothing bad happened. In fact, the dealer gave me money for gas to get home-even though right afterward I went to meet Rob-he bought me 2 from a very bad area of the city-I've been there once-so after buying just 2, I really am pinching my pennies. That's why I am PRAYING this new job stays. Not just to afford H-to afford school too! I pay $200.00 a month for school and I haven't been paying in 2 months, and yet I have $60-80 to pay for H? That's how important this shit truly is to me I guess........that's why I didn't want to get started again. The second you get started, the second shit hits the fan again. So, Angie has this other guy that lives closer who is also coming from NY with a shit load of H and he's wanting me to buy. Yea only one problem-I CAN'T AFFORD ANY MORE! Usually it was where I'd go see Dre and he would let me get a few for free and I'd pay him later but that hasn't been happening lately. So, unless money falls from the sky, I honestly can't be doing any for a good few weeks-maybe not even until I get a check from this new job!
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