November 1, 2011-
I got a book in the mail I ordered online a few weeks ago. It's a diary, fiction book, about a girl who starts stripping at a club and stats doing heroin. The book inspired me to continue writing in the journal I started during and a little bit after I left rehab and the halfway house.
Actually, I threw away the first couple of pages I wrote a little bit before I started doing heroin. I started heroin back in late August. I threw the pages away because I started getting a little paranoid about leaving any evidence about getting caught but I really wish I hadn't thrown them away.
I went on a job interview the other day at a salon in Bethesda. I got the job! I'll be doing shampoos and assisting the stylists.
Rob, the guy I get heroin from the last couple of months, went up with me to the city yesterday. That is where we buy it. I try not to get too much since I have bills to pay. I've known Rob since late July. I met him through Craigslist on the singles part of the site. He posted an ad looking for a girlfriend and as he put it "a second chance". Also in the ad he said he used to do heroin. I saw this as knew I had to contact him. I saw it as a chance to finally try it. When I first started talking to him he was sober and wasn't drinking or anything but of course, since I had a long term obsession/curiosity with heroin, I asked if he would get some for me. Since mid-late August I have been doing it.
I mainly do it by snorting it but I have used a needle a couple of times. I stopped using the needle because I got too impatient to find a vein and I ended up skin-popping which means putting the needle anywhere in the skin and I ended up getting an abscess but thankfully it didn't fully develop or bad badly infected and it ended up going away. I'd much rather snort it but I know that leads to problems too.
I'm really excited about getting the job at the salon because I've been applying to jobs and going to a few interviews but it has been really difficult finding anything.
I finished reading the other book I ordered online. It was a book by Dr. Drew from Celebrity Rehab. I need to stop ordering stuff online until I get a pay check from this new job.
Yesterday was Halloween. It came and went like most regular days. No one even came to the door! I was asleep, high most of last night anyway. Like most times I do heroin, it made me so tired and if I do a lot, I end up sleeping from the early afternoon until the next day! If I do a small amount I get energy and stay up all night but if I do a lot and it's strong, I sleep like crazy. I have to be careful and make sure I don't overdose. I don't want anyone else knowing about this other than Rob and Joe-my ex bf. I met Joe in rehab and I ended up getting kicked out of the halfway house because I tested positive for Xanax that I got from Joe. It's honestly not that great of a relationship. Sometimes I'm sure he is cheating. He hardly spends time with me. He works so much and I barely see him. He hasn't called in a few days, what's new. He is 32 and has 2 kids. Honestly, I hope he doesn't call ever again. He really creates nothing but drama and I just want him out of my life. If I want to better myself and my life, socially anyway, then I have to drop the crappy people in my life.
I sent Rob a text a couple of hours ago and asked him when he was going to the city again soon to buy more heroin. I only have one pill left so I have to make it last. I always have to buy at least three now each time I go because I run out quickly. If I run out I start getting sick. I guess they are withdrawals but I am surprised that I am getting sick already from not doing any. It's awful when I get withdrawal sick. That's another reason why I have to keep this new job. The pills are $10.00 each and that adds up.
I hope I can keep this diary going and not throw it away like I did with the last few pages of my first one. I started this journal in rehab about 8 months ago.
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