july 19, 2012
I was good for a week then.......this is just way too hard. I went back up and...well I didn't get H but I got suboxone,3 of em......I still feel it's a relapse because I started using them to get high. I'm not getting them because I'm still sick. Well, I go back and forth.....knowing the reasons, knowing what it does, knowing how this whole thing hurts me and the lies and stealing, and selling shit and doing guilty things and never having enough money-and thanks to getting suboxone today, I now need to sell some things to make sure I can pay my bill next months. geez this crap never ends. it's really.......I really, really wish I never started this shit. i wish I never touched heroin. this truly is a never ending hell. once you've tried it, once you know the feeling, you never forget. it's awful.
i applied at more jobs today. that's another reason I really need to quit......how will I get a job if I fear testing positive!? that is not helping my job search if i only apply to jobs that dont test. I cant survive off those crappy jobs.
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