December 27, 2011

December, 27, 2011
I haven't written in a long time. I figured I'd continue this journal just so I can keep documenting what's continuing to happen in my addiction. The last time Rob and me drove up to buy heroin, we ended up getting suboxone because we haven't been able to find Nautica-the best kind/strength of H the area has to offer, and we kept wasting our money on cheap strength H. I never knew much about suboxone. It's what they give to addict to help with withdrawal symptoms. I only put a small strip under my tongue and already get the same great high feeling that H gives. I get the same itching, nodding, energy that heroin gives me.
The salon job that I started a few months ago is doing well. I get good tips that range between $20-30.00 each time I am there. Of course, my tips are used to by heroin but my checks go straight into the bank for my bills. Christmas was this past weekend. My mom is still in Puerto Rico so I'm at home with my dad. It was a quiet and uneventful Christmas. I got some good presents like shoes, hat, gloves. I was invited to a New Year's party by one of the receptionists at the salon. I think she wants to go to a bar and then a friend's house. I'm certain my parents won't let me go. I'm overly protected but I'm not complaining. I don't entirely want to go. I can be such a hermit. Last New Year's I was in rehab.
I've been painting a lot lately. I'm getting better.
 I'm planning on getting more H on Sunday. I only works for 2 hours today. There was only 3 customers. Hopefully there will be more tomorrow and I'll be able to stay for the full 4 hours. I didn't make any tips.
Before work today I was watching an episode of Intervention. I really like that show. For some reason this episode really got to me. The guy featured was an alcoholic that ended up dying after the taping of the show. He was in really bad shape with organ damage and huge bruises. The guy was in such a strong denial about his problem. The new season of this show starts next week.
Exactly a year ago I entered rehab. I feel like it was yesterday. I don't know how I got through it. I don't think it was a waste. I did get some things from it but of course I still struggle. 5 months ago I started using heroin. I just can't believe that in only 5 months I already have withdrawal if I quit and all these issues. I just see it as a different problem than drinking. But it's the same problem, its the same addiction with the same reasons, but the only thing that has changed is what I am doing. Because of heroin, I quit drinking a few months ago. My poor parents think I have totally quit and I am no longer addicted...nope, I'm just not drinking because I'm doing heroin and basically this is better than any drink. So, essentially, my problem in addiction is worst than ever.