My last relationship was over a year ago. I met him in rehab. I haven't bothered with anyone since him. I started using heroin shortly after we officially broke up. A few months ago I created a profile on OKcupid.com I haven't logged in in about a month but when I logged in today, I got a message from a cute Italian long haired metal guitarist who lives near me. Nice! That's the type I go for-long hair musicians ;) I know I have things I need to change-not rushing into another relationship, not losing myself in the relationship, not pushing away responsibilities and only focusing on them, not ignoring red flags, etc but God I am ready to be in another relationship. I have learned so much about myself during my year of using heroin and I want so badly to be with someone-why? I really don't want to use a guy as another filler. Drugs are a filler, not people. I shouldn't need to be with anyone. I should be happy with me, but a lot of the time I'm not-but a guy certainly won't fix my issues....and being with someone is an addition to life, not my entire life and I haven't entirely realized that yet. Until I understand how to be in a real relationship, I shouldn't bother trying to get into one. I should focus on having good friends first-I need to learn that I don't NEED someone...I should want them. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone-because I have always wanted to be with someone for the right reasons-but they end up being the wrong guy and I ignore the red flags.
I want support, honesty, loyalty, someone I can do different activities with, someone artistic/creative, social, fun, knows how to treat others, knows how to be in a serious relationship, etc...and I haven't found that yet.
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