July 8, 2012
I just copped on my own for the first time today! I felt sick as shit since last night, I ran out of H the other morning so around 11am I drove up to hoping Dre was home but he wasn't so I was on my own. I knew I was not going back all the way home empty handed so I had to figure something out. Rob didn't care to go with me and so I did the only thing I could think of-buy it on my own. I drove past this white girl around my age a couple of times. This was near Dre's neighborhood. She was nodding out and really looked like a dope addict so after finally getting the guts, I parked in a parking lot on the main road and walked over to her. I felt so out of place. I went up to her and asked," do you know where I can find anything..." she knew what I meant, of course. So she got in my car and we drove down the street a couple of blocks. She was just as nervous as me because she kept thinking I was a cop. I was thinking she'd fuck me over or I'd get arrested. I parked somewhere, gave her my cash and watched as she walked across the street to a couple of black guys and bought it. Things went fine but I swear that is the first and last time I'll ever do that again. I was desperate, sick as shit and wasn't driving all that way without anything. I was pissed I couldn't reach Dre. What else could I do? That was another "never" that went out the window. That's how sick I felt and that's how evil this stuff ends up. Another never was driving into a bad area to buy some but that went out the window a few months ago when Rob had me drive to a seriously shit area to buy some. Thank God that went well too but you know, seriously, I never want to risk that again. That's too damn scary. I'd seriously rather OD than get arrested for this shit. Hopefully I get in touch with Dre soon. I want to quit. I've made that decision final after what happened today. I just can't keep falling. The lying, stealing, spending money, driving an hour to get it, not even feeling the euphoria anymore and just doing it to not withdrawal-all of it is simply not worth it anymore. I want out. I think I needed something like today to happen to me up front to really want out. I just feel safer when I get it with Dre or Rob but I know that something could happen even then, but it's unlikely because I'm parked somewhere else and never actually around the buying. I honestly felt awful having to do that today. God, angels, whomever saves me and keeps me safe in this mess is seriously getting thanked by me that nothing happened today. I ended up getting raw and it was strong. It helped cure my illness so that's all I care about.
A few hours ago I called my high school friend to buy some Xanax tomorrow. She sells that in another county, but closer than where I have to go. I promise 10x I'll forever quit H if I can get suboxone to cure my withdrawal and get on Xanax or something.
I think it's time for another Sean-related fantasy story. The first story I posted on here got the most views. Go figure. So, here we go......This story is not related to the other one.
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Chapter 1-
It's 9AM on a Sunday. I wake up and turn to Sean, who is still fast asleep. I watch him as he breaths calmly and peacefully. He looks so innocent and sweet. I'm glad we made up from our fight before falling sleep last night. It's never good to go to sleep angry. That's the one thing we've been good at; we have great open communication and Sean is so good with talking things over and being patient with me, even when I'm a bitch to him. Honestly, I fear Sean's slipping back into his addiction and I'm so scared. He hasn't touched anything in a couple of years but I can just sense something's different with him.
Sean must have sensed I was looking him over because he was starting to wake up. I began rubbing his chest and kissed him gently on his lips. He caressed my check and kissed me back. " I love you," I whispered. I rested my head on his chest. "Good morning, I love you too," Sean said back as he held and caressed my arms, shoulders and upper back. We laid there in each others arms for a few minutes before going into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. It was just starting to drizzle outside. I took a seat on the bench at the island table as I stirred the milk and sugar into my coffee. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Sean pour himself a cup of coffee and look at his cell phone.
"Are you doing any recording today?" I asked.-----
[HOLD ON- Dre just called me finally! He WAS home when I was knocking on his door this morning. Geez!!! I went through that copping situation for NOTHING! He just didn't hear my knocking because he's a heavy sleeper. Lord.....He wasn't too happy when I told him I went on my own to buy something. He was glad nothing happened to me. He said he hadn't heard from me in a couple of days and his phone wasn't working, as always, so he just got to call me just now. I told him I want to kick this shit for good and get subs. He said he'd be home tomorrow morning so I'm hiking back up there again tomorrow morning and getting the subs and getting off of this demon shit devil aka heroin for good. I'm not even sure I want to get the Xanax from my friend but I'll see.Back to my story...]
Sean turned to me, "No, I don't think we're getting together for that. Actually, I was thinking, we could go to my sister's today. She just texted me to invited us over this afternoon. Do you feel up to it?"
"Yeah, that's fine. Hopefully this drizzle won't get worst," I replied as I sipped my coffee steadily.
"You still aren't used to this weather, are you?" Sean said with a smile.
"I knew what to expect when I moved here to be with you. I mean, it's Seattle. I prefer this to the heat I had back home actually. I'm not complaining," I explained, "I just wish that it didn't rain ever time I decide to straighten my hair."
"Honestly, I want to get back in bed and try to get a few more hours of sleep before we leave," Sean said."
"Fine with me," I replied as I hopped off the stool and followed Sean back upstairs and into our bedroom.
We slept for the rest of the morning and woke up again around 11. We made love and then got into the shower to continue. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he entered me slowly. He pushed me against the wall and we kissed hard and passionately. We have a large stand up shower stall and there's a place to sit on one end so Sean sat down as I straddled him and guided him into me again. I rode him as he held down my hips with one hand and grabbed my breasts with his other hand. I looked back and our lips touched. I moaned in his mouth in ecstasy as I began cumming. Then I turned around and continued riding him but facing him. All the sudden he held me down harder and begin cumming. He wasn't wearing a condom so I knew I'd end up pregnant again but I honestly didn't care. We finished and held each others sweaty and aroused bodies closely, kissing gently. We got out and got dressed a few minutes later.
Around 2:15 pm the rain let up so we decided to head over to his sister's house on Sean's custom built motorcycle. Her son had just graduated high school so it ended up being a little party celebration for him. We felt guilty that we didn't bring anything.
We were all sitting around the kitchen when I noticed Sean get up from the couch and go to the bathroom. He seemed to be in a hurry. I didn't want to question him with his family around but I just felt something wasn't right about him.
Ok story done for now...until next time ;)
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