November 21, 2011
I'm forced to quit, the jig is up. I've gotten so low that I have to quit heroin and soon end the whole addiction. This drug had me fall so fast, I'm surprised. It made me even want to quit drinking and other pills because H alone is so strong. Everything has to go though so I can have a chance. Of course I still have a chance if I want to give myself one.
Rob wants this Wednesday to be his last time getting H too. For how long who knows. He said for at least a few months. I was so angry that he wants to quit because that means that I'll have to quit. I rely on him getting out of the car and buying it. I have to realize the damage heroin has done to me though. Financially it's killing me, mentally it's hurting me and for once, I started to realize or feel that my time in drugs and alcohol would end soon, and for some reason I feel like I'll get caught or found out soon. This has to be for the best, quitting. It won't solve anything. I've been doing this for 13,14 years and I'm allowing myself to drown. Then I go back to pondering whether I really want to quit, or do I make myself believe that because I'm being forced to by Rob? Do I truly want sobriety or another excuse?
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